


In Which James Falls on his Arse

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-01
Updated: 2010-01-01
Packaged: 2019-01-19 16:51:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12414138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: A one-shot in which James thinks he has broken something of Lily's and tries to fix it.





	In Which James Falls on his Arse

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

Lily loved her pillow. She had charmed it to remember her head shape so that she was always comfortable. She always slept well with her pillow. 

— 

“Hi, Lily,” greeted James as he sauntered into her dormitory.   
“Hi, James,” responded Lily.   
“How’s it going?”   
“Not too bad. Wait. How’d you get up here?”   
James laughed. “Lily, I’m James Potter. I figured out how to get up here in Second Year.”   
Lily glared at him.   
“So, that’s how you got into my wardrobe in Fifth Year.”   
“Actually, I had been in your wardrobe before that but I hadn’t been dared to wear your underwear on my head all day before. Quite an unusual dare, really. You can blame Sirius for that.”   
Lily groaned and rubbed her forehead.   
“You’re annoying me, and giving me a headache. Go away!”   
“Make me.”   
“Is that a challenge?”   
“I do believe it is.” 

Lily looked at him evilly and picked up her pillow off her bed. She walked to him slowly and when she got close enough she hit him over the head with her pillow. She continued to repeatedly hit him with the pillow and successfully managed to beat him into the corridor.  
As a final touch, Lily threw her pillow at him and slammed the door.  
“Well, that was inviting,” mumbled James to himself.  
He started to walk down the corridor when he saw Lily’s pillow lying on the floor in front of him. He picked it up and started to turn around to give it back to Lily when he accidentally stepped on the top of the stairs. The stairs immediately turned into a slide and he whooshed down it before landing in a heap at the bottom.  


James stood up and dusted himself off before nodding and saying ‘Good Afternoon’ to some Fourth Years who had watched him fall on his arse.   
James bent over and picked up Lily’s pillow which he had dropped.   
As he picked it up, he saw that there was a big dent on the side.   
James panicked. He didn’t want to return the pillow to Lily broken. He proceeded to hit the pillow with some insane idea that it might restore the pillow to its original state. Unfortunately, the pillow stayed dented.   
James decided to find Sirius. Maybe he would know how to fix Lily’s pillow. He shrunk the pillow, put it in his pocket and walked out of the common room, deliberately ignoring the Fourth Years giggling and whispering that he had gone mad.   


James wandered down to the fourth corridor and saw Sirius starting to walk down the stairs.  
“SIRIUS!” James called as he ran up to him.  
Sirius turned around and smiled at James. “Prongsy! Goodeth to see thy awayeth from thy womaneth they calleth Lily...eth.”  
“Why are you speaking funny?”  
“Moony showed me this book by someone called Billiam Shake-and-smear and in it they all talked like that.”  
“I’m pretty sure that that’s not how they talked.”  
“I assureth thou `tis exactlyeth how they talked.”  
“No, I don’t think that is how they talked.”  
“Well, from what I heard they basically added ‘eth’ on to the end of everything.”  
“I don’t think that’s how it works, Padfoot.”  
“Whatevereth. Anyway, whateth was it that thou wantedeth to talk to me about?”  
“Well, I was in Lily’s dormitory …”  
“Oh, I see. You came to the master for help. Having troubles were we?” Sirius asked, winking at his friend.  
“No. That’s not what it’s about. Anyway, I was in Lily’s dormitory and she got annoyed with me and kicked me out. She also threw her pillow at me. I picked up her pillow intending to give it back to her when I stood on the top of the staircase and it turned into a slide. When I was at the bottom, I realized that Lily’s pillow had a big dent on it and I didn’t want to return it to her broken so I went in search of you to help me fix it.”  
“Right.”  
“So, can you help me?”  
“Well leteth me put it this wayeth. NO.”  
“Nothing? You have no ideas?”  
“Yep.”  
“Great help you are,” he said sarcastically before walking away.  
“Whereth are thou heading offeth to?” called Sirius after him.  
“I’m going to find Wormtail. Maybe he might know how to fix this.” 

— 

“Hey, Wormtail,” greeted James as he slid into the chair opposite him.   
“Hi, Prongs,” replied Peter. “How did you find me here?”   
“I’m psychic,” said James. “Well, I had the map as well but that’s irrelevant.”   
“Right,” said Peter as he reached for an éclair.   
“So, Wormtail, do you know how to fix a pillow?”   
“Fix a pillow? What have you done this time?”   
“Well, I was in Lily’s dormitory …” started James.   
“Oh. Did you get a little too excited? If you know what I mean.”   
James continued his story as if Peter hadn’t said anything. When he finished, he pulled the pillow out of his pocket and engorged it to show Peter.   
Peter looked at it for a while before suggesting. “Maybe Reparo might fix it?”   
“Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?”   
James pulled his wand out of his pocket, pointed it at the pillow and said, “Reparo!”   
Nothing happened.   
“That’s weird,” remarked James.   
He pointed his wand at the pillow again. “REPARO!”   
The dent in the pillow was still there but his yelling did cause a House-Elf to come running up asking if he needed any help. James politely declined her offer before turning back to Peter.   
“I’m going to go find Moony. If anyone would know how to fix it he probably would,” James said as he started to stand up. “`Bye, Wormtail.”   
“`Bye, Prongs,” replied Wormtail as he reached for yet another éclair. 

— 

“So, if the wand is not flicked in the right direction …”   
“Hi, Moony!” yelled James in Remus’ ear, causing him to jump up and knock over his bottle of ink. Madam Pingetry glared at them from behind her desk and hissed at them to be quiet.   
“Prongs. That was my new ink,” he said.   
“Oops.” James sat down anyway.   
Remus glared at him.   
“What I meant was you are a kind and caring person and if you help me I will buy you another bottle of ink.”   
“Fine. What do you want?”   
“Well, I was in Lily’s dormitory …” James began for the third time.   
“Stop. I don’t want to hear it. Talk to Padfoot about this stuff. This is not my area of expertise.”   
“Why does everyone keep thinking that!”   
“Oh. So it’s not about that. Continue, then.”   
James continued his story and showed Remus Lily’s pillow.   
“I’ve already tried Reparo and it didn’t work,” said James.   
“Hmm. What about Finite Incantem?”   
“But I didn’t put a spell on it.”   
“Well it can’t hurt to try. Finite Incantem.”   
“I’m telling you it’s not going to – oh.”   
Lily’s pillow was back to normal.   
“Oh, well, thanks, Moony. I better take this up to Lily before she rips my head off about it being missing.”   
“Alright. `Bye, Prongs.”   
“`Bye Moony.” 

— 

James knocked on the door before walking in.   
“Hi, Lily,” he said.   
“Oh, good, you’re here. I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Where’s my pillow?” she replied.   
“Here it is,” said James as he pulled it out of his pocket and engorged it.   
Lily took it from him and stared at it, shocked.   
“What did you do to my pillow?” shouted Lily.   
“Nothing! I fixed it. It’s back to normal.”   
“But it hasn’t got the shape of my head in it anymore. It took me ages to do that.”   
“Oh. That’s what it was. Oops!”   
“ARGH! GET OUT SO I CAN FIX IT!”   
James quickly scampered out into the corridor and to the stairs. In his rush, he forgot the stairs would turn into a slide once he stood on them. James went tumbling down the stairs and landed at someone’s feet. He looked up and saw Sirius and Remus standing behind him.   
Remus bent down to help him up.   
“We could hear the shouting from down here. What happened?” said Remus.   
“Nothing. I think it’s just her time of month,” replied James.   
“Nah. I think it’s because you can be a bit of a prat,” Remus said.   
Sirius added to this by singing. “And also very annoying …   
“… eth.”

** Thanks to my absolutely wonderful and fantastic beta LilyandJamesisForever for betaing this.  **


End file.
